Relationship Compatibility: Start with Thyself

black men are not the problem to black women today

When it comes to relationships most people want to achieve the social ideal which is to enter into a marriage or a lifelong commitment. When it comes to determining relationship compatibility it’s important to establish what kind of relationship person you are. Being aware of your relationship needs can save you a great deal of heartache and pain. One of the best ways to discover your ideal relationship dynamic is to get a natal chart interpretation.

I do not believe in the notion that everyone is destined to enter into a long-term fulfilling relationship or that there is someone for everyone. Some people are destined to go through life as a single person due to where they are at on the spectrum of spiritual evolution. On the other hand, others are destined to experience the bond that comes with marriage or a life partnership. This does not mean that the latter is more spiritually evolved than the former, however. It all boils down to what is needed for a particular individual’s spiritual evolution.

Either a person is relationship-oriented or he/she is not. According to my definition, a relationship-oriented person will be able to remain in one relationship for an extended period of time—usually spanning over 7 years. I designate 7 years as the baseline since it reflects the 7-year cycle of Saturn (28 years/4), the planet of time, commitment, responsibility and longevity. Thus, if a person can remain in one relationship for 7 or more years you can generally consider that person to be relationship-oriented.

Certain astrological configurations can determine whether a person will be relationship-oriented (in the traditional, long-term monogamous sense) or not. For instance one or more of the following aspects may be present in a person’s chart who is NOT relationship-oriented:

Sun conjunct Uranus

Sun square Moon

Moon opposition Saturn

Moon square Pluto

Moon square Uranus

Venus square Saturn

Venus square Uranus

Venus conjunct Uranus

Mars square Venus

Mars opposition Venus

Usually, people with these aspects will still try to go against their own grain, attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole even if it’s just about keeping up with the Jones’s. These are the kinds of people who you will find in multiple short-term relationships that usually last no longer than 3 years. Their relationships are often not clearly defined and they may be filled with a great deal of turmoil. You may find that this kind of person falls in and out of love very easily. They may also not give much prior thought when it comes to choosing a mate, but they may also bemoan the fact that true love eludes them. They do not realize that the relationship model that works for some people is not designed to work for them. Perhaps, they have been told by ex-partners that they are self-absorbed, inconsiderate and afraid of commitment. For some this may be true, but for others they may simply be misunderstood.

Some individuals who have some of these astrological aspects are very self-aware and consciously make it a point not to become too attached. For example, I know of a man who is 55 years old, has never been married and does not have any kids. This man has even said that he could go another 10 years before he settles down with one woman. He has Moon opposition Saturn, Mars square Venus, Sun conjunct Uranus and Sun semisquare Moon in his natal chart. His brother tells him that he is destined to be a perpetual bachelor. Any woman who tries to subjugate this kind of man will end up becoming bald from pulling her hair out in frustration.

If a woman is aware that she is not relationship-oriented she may be met with criticism if she chooses to proclaim this truth. In this present day society it is far more acceptable for a man to be perpetually single than a woman. If a woman tells her friends or family members that she does not want to be in a long-term relationship she is met with sighs and comments like “you’ll find someone, don’t give up” “you just haven’t found the right one” or “your guy is out there somewhere”. Women either face pressure or pity when it comes to being single for more than 5 years straight.

It appears that more people—especially men are waking up to the reality that a marriage or life partnership is not the ideal for everyone. It would seem that the most heartache and pain occurs when one person who is relationship-oriented couples up with a person who is not. The problem is that the person who is not relationship-oriented is usually unaware that they are wired this way so they blame the other person and go in search of someone new only to wind up in the same lonely predicament. However, loneliness no longer becomes this looming threat once the person acknowledges that they are not relationship-oriented. Better choices in terms of truly compatible potential mates can then be made.

So much drama could be prevented if people knew what kind of relationship-type person they were before attempting to commit to another. Self-awareness is the first step in creating fulfilling relationships—whether they are short or long in duration.

– Rahbinah

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